Depression is anger turned inwards

In addition to the physical toll injury takes on the body, for dancers the emotional toll can sometimes be even greater. I used this image taken by Henry Leutwyler, of a dancer's feet as a metaphorical representation.What may look fine on the outside (the foot on the right) is no indication of what is going on in the inside (the foot on the left).

When dancers get injured the first thing that happens is an immediate isolation. One minute they are working on a schedule with many people and the next minute they are home alone and only seeing doctors and physical therapists.  It can be lonely, feeling like you are the only one not dancing. The only thing that surrounds you is the injury. Why did it happen? How long will I be unable to dance? What is the extent of the injury? When can I get back to dancing? These are all questions that plague the dancer at first. Thinking about the injury constantly can lead to similar phases of grieving.

First is denial. You can't believe this happened especially at this point in your career. (Because there is never a good time to be injured, it always feels like the worst timing ever!) If only you didn't get injured you'd been able to do that role you always wanted to do or get that gig you've been rehearsing for all season. Then comes anger. You get angry at yourself and start blaming yourself. I wasn't strong enough. Why didn't I speak up and say it was bothering me beforehand.  A lot of emotions come from feeling like a failure or defeated. Dancers are so passionate about their art and their bodies are their main tools. When something happens to their most important tool it feels like a failure. This stage becomes intertwined with depression. The depression and anger rolled together usually tend to be the darkest period, since you also feel lonesome.

Finally you reach acceptance. There is a moment when you realize your love for dance is still strong and you are not willing to give up on it just yet. If you focus and not wallow, you could come back better then ever. At this point, the dancer has a diagnosis and is working towards goals one day at a time. It's slow progress but it's progress. They feel grateful for the small things they have achieved and move forward knowing they have gained new perspective and knowledge about the body.

It's certainly a journey but it pushes dancers to grow in ways that they may never have imagined. Getting injured makes dancers more aware of their bodies and how they work with them. It also makes them realize why they began dancing in the first place, a renewed sense of passion. I think it is an important part of becoming a professional artist. It's like they say sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom to know which way is up.